I'm trying to find that magical place of filling anonymous

Like you, I have seen that cold, clean, and empty doctrinal stance taken by many who talk as if receiving the Spirit is merely technical, or positional, and not really real ... when you get down to it. I have also seen the desperation that comes from trying to reach that magical place that might be called filled with the Spirit, etc. Neither side has exclusive rights to that desperation, either, for I come from a non-charismatic background and we tried over and over again to get IT back ... whatever it may mean ... devotional, filled, sold-out, mature, vibrant, a man after God's own heart, etc. You know much of the terminology. And regardless the background the new life of being alive in Christ gets pushed to the side.