My whole life in on hold while I wrestle with it.

What is your life? Do you know what I have come to realize? All I have is RIGHT NOW. The present. That's it. I know what you mean, though. You THINK your life is on hold. Believe me, I KNOW that thought ... I have shared it with you for much of my life, too. But my life has NEVER been on hold at any given moment any more so than at another. That is just a matter of perspective. You may very well look back on this time and treasure it. Yeah, right, huh?! But you might. Wrestling with "life" usually has a way of impacting life in ways beyond our comprehension. There seems to be a tendency we have to put a reason upon everything as if it helps to say, "Now I know why I went (or "am going") through that". To tell you the truth, I really don't know why I couldn't fall asleep for a whole week ... and I refuse to fall into the trap of rationalizing by saying, "God did it so I would gain clarity". I only know that I had insomnia (and hated it) and that during that time some miraculous stuff happened within me despite the majority of what seemed unmiraculous stuff. Two things I do know for sure: It did go away just as mysteriously as it came, ... and it remains one of the more memorable periods of my life. :)