if christ is real and if i do belong to him then why am i going to sleep every single night wishing i were never born? its not because of "problems" or viewing myself according to the world. it runs deeper. i'm so empty - and i'm not just using this word the way some goth would. i have no substance, there is no point to anything, and no matter what i do, or even when i get caught up in doing things, i'm always led back to the fact that it's just so goddamn meaningless. i no longer want a purpose. i no longer want to "be" anything. but i long for something, and i don't know what it is but i know who does. unfortunately i believe you to be the only person here that knows what i mean cuz within your articles you talk all about the things i'm feeling. but then you talk about christ and you lose me. Justin

Hello my friend, Justin!

I don't know what's going on with you, but I suggest that it's difficult to tell the difference between being truly empty and merely feeling empty. Are you so sure it has nothing to do with how you view yourself? There are voices all around us that would convince us of having no real worth, and you have described the thinking of the world in this statement: "goddamn meaningless". I get hit with this perception everywhere I turn. People can't help but have their own sense of meaninglessness bleed into everything they say, whether they mean to or not.

Perhaps you get lost reading words about Christ because of their integration with that empty sense of Biblical religion so that you phase out. On the other hand, the truth of him shatters any boxes you might use to contain him, or even the idea of him. I know that you do long for something. That something is the substance you speak of, it is the something that fills the emptiness. That is what Christ is. He is the something. Of course that whole idea is mystifying because it is so foreign to every thing we can imagine that might fill the emptiness. But then again, your very being is truly a mystery to you as well, for you are far more than the sum of your parts. Why would that which can fill you also be expected to be a mystery?

I'll be waiting to hear back, bro!
Jim

thanks for being so cool jim. Justin

it's difficult to tell the difference between being truly empty and merely feeling empty. Are you so sure it has nothing to do with how you view yourself? There are voices all around us that would convince us of having no real worth

no i really "feel" (or maybe "know" is a better word) the emptiness of the world. it's not about my worth, for the 147 phenomenon is much more than you thought it was. i believe (somewhat reluctantly) in the delusional self, a concept originating from aleister crowley i believe, which means that when i believe something so much (in this world), then it happens and becomes true. it's not self-deceit or wishful thinking. weird stuff happens. i won't be too mystical, but basically the whole phenomena is empty and is trying to lead me to having some sort of worth in this world. it's meaningless. it's a waste of time. but it wants me.
i know that sounds crazy. even if i follow its leading (and i often do), it leads me to empty desires. if you follow the occult, you'll know of the Left Hand Path. so i do have a form of worth in this world; a weird spiritual power. deep down i really don't want anything in the world. but since i'm blinded to christ, its the only thing that's going for me. That is what Christ is. He is the something. I think I really know that, which is why I can't walk away from what you preach. Justin

Hello my friend, Justin :)

I know you feel/know the emptiness. But consider that the form of worth you have in this world is not the worth you desire. You have learned to view yourself according to the delusional self, and though it might be your reality in the flesh it is not your true reality (and I seriously doubt Crowley originated it, as Paul describes something quite like it in Romans 7 ... LOL).

Jim

I'm glad to know this (that it isn't my true self). BTW, are you familiar with the Delusional Self? Can you elaborate on the Romans 7 thing, just out of curiousity's sake? Justin

It is your general description of the delusional self that I am familiar with, rather than any specific concept attributed to Crowley or another. The concept of the Greek gods was built upon the belief factor, for they were real as long as the people believed in them. I'm not sure if you're familiar with the original Star Trek series, but one of the episodes played it out when the crew was captured by some of these celestial gods. The captain remembered that their existence was dependent upon belief so the crew simply stopped believing in them ... and they faded into oblivion. This concept represented belief-based reality. Though it was projected onto the gods, it really has to do with the thoughts, beliefs or imaginations of those who came up with it. The idea that believing in something strongly enough will make it reality is a very old concept indeed.

In Paul's letter, specifically the part known as Romans 7, he described "reality" that is based upon what one believes to be true. In this case, it was Paul's own experience. It is life as understood by the mind of man according to what is seen, heard, reasoned, felt, etc. Paul detailed what a vast number of "Christians" swear as representing their true selves. He designated his flesh "reality" as existing almost as if in its own dimension, as in a false kingdom, a kingdom of darkness (as he described elsewhere). Its existence is connected to the elemental world and governed by the law that was based upon the same elementary principles as the world, the law of sin and death. The other law he contrasts it with is the law of the spirit of life, for it is not based upon the temporal. It is the true reality, for its life is God.

Jim