i am just today discovering and reading this. i seem to go back and forth between either theshovel.net or the discussion group on the shovel shack. i can’t seem to focus and enjoy both at the same time, altho’ i do try from time to time.  :) janet, i hear your heart. i hear the doubt that riddles your heart with fear. i feel your pain, for once i endured it as well. not that it doesn’t try to re-visit me from time to time. i have learned that it is a lie that i do not have to pay heed to at all ever again! perhaps this can be true for you a well.  :) i grew up with more of a southern baptist influence, altho’ my family and i were never really ‘involved’ in the church scene. no matter what flavor of religion any of us come out of, it all has its own variety of bondage that feeds fear, guilt and shame concerning us and god. the lie-ing one loves to manipulate with our hearts and minds using that fear, guilt and shame. we do not have to listen to him.  :) the good news is that jesus christ is the end of that bondage. he did not bring bondage. he brought life, hope and freedom from that which once WAS our bondage. sin was dealt with once and for all by his death on the cross. he became sin on our behalf. it is a done deal! god was and will always be SATISFIED with what HE HIMself provided in and through and by his son. he did not do a half ass job, if you will pardon my description. it was complete, full, FINISHed and SATISFYing to the Father!!  :) someone shared something with me many years ago that god used to WAKE me up to all i needed in the life, hope, love and security that is found in christ jesus himself. i will share it with you because i once suffered horribly with fears of insecurity about where i stood with god and how that would effect me when i died? would i go to heaven? would i go to hell? would i suffer for all eternity? this was a very BIG DEAL to me, because i suffered a lot of emotional and mental pain at that time in my life. i often suffered depression and always just would rather be dead than alive. the thing that prevented me from suicide was that very insecurity that i was speaking of … not knowing my eternal future and/or where i stood with god. maybe it will encourage you, too. maybe it won’t. i do not know, but i will share it anyway.  :) these are words that the apostle john wrote to encourage the believers in his time: 1 John chapter 5:11-13 god has given us eternal life, and this life is in his son. he who has the son has the life; he who does not have the son of god does not have the life. these things i have written to you who believe in the name of the son of god, so that you may KNOW that you have eternal life. what a difference to know that eternal life “¦ whatever it is “¦ is in jesus christ himself. our life that was once dead in trespasses and sins is now made alive in christ jesus and that miraculous life is hidden with god in him, regardless of how the outward appears or feels. There is no waiting for eternal life to begin. Christ himself is the eternal one and we are found and kept safe in him, by him, for him and with him. regardless of how temporary these mortal bodies may be, the miraculous life of god inside them is eternal and secure in his care.  :) i hope you find much peace and assurance in him as you read this. theshovel.net is a wonderful place to find support of that peace and assurance we know is found only in jesus christ.  :) hugs, dignz (sherri)