Hello M.,

I apologize for the long delay in getting back with you, I have had so many things to catch up on.

<<< Can or will God use me in teaching and preaching His Word.  I am an ordained minister, and would love to be able to get back into teaching and preaching.  But I do know what God's word says about all that [note: the writer is twice divorced].  But still, I have this deep yearning to teach and preach to others about His wonderful message that He has for us today. >>>

As far as being an "ordained minister" I have little regard, for our validation is not from man but of God.  "Ordained ministers" preach and teach condemnation every day of the week all across our world.  God is working in you and is not hindered by whatever you think He may be.  :)  Never overlook the gut-level relations in your life as being God's main "pulpit" as you declare the good news of Christ!!

I have only been in front of a large audience a few times in my whole life.  Somehow I thought that was where I was supposed to "minister".  You see, God's message of grace began interrupting MY schedule and plans during the last semester of the Bible College I attended, and it kept me mostly behind the scenes, though I have been like a race horse at the gate waiting for the bell to ring.  That was in the mid-70's.  God took my focus off that bell through much pain and sense of failure, but I wouldn't trade it for anything.  I have come to see Him working in the behind-the-scenes life that is going on every moment.

I'm sorry to hear of the obvious pain caused by loss of two marriages.  I know in most circles that would "disqualify" you from "ministry", but though it may in the eyes of man, it does not in the eyes of God.  I have found that most of the time my real "ministry" has been from the sharing of my own weaknesses and failures as I have been considered "disqualfied" because of some bad experiences in the lives of my children.  I often sat through many "sermons" that grated against everything within my being by those who saw themselves in a better light than they did me.  I was told that my "grace teachings" were the cause of my child's behavior.

If you desire I would love to hear more of your story.

<<< Can or will God use me in teaching and preaching His Word. >>>

He already is using you, for He has never ceased using you.  It's just not as it appears, my brother.

<<< But still, I hold myself back from doing the work that He has given me.  Why? >>>

Fear, most likely.  Once again, don't overlook the real stuff that is going on right in front of you all during your day.  Do you remember what Paul said about his own "ministry" in this regard?

"But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, so that the surpassing greatness of the power will be of God and not from ourselves; we are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying about in the body the dying of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body. For we who live are constantly being delivered over to death for Jesus' sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh. So death works in us, but life in you." 2 Cor 4:7-12

"For, I think, God has exhibited us apostles last of all, as men condemned to death; because we have become a spectacle to the world, both to angels and to men. We are fools for Christ's sake, but you are prudent in Christ; we are weak, but you are strong; you are distinguished, but we are without honor. To this present hour we are both hungry and thirsty, and are poorly clothed, and are roughly treated, and are homeless; and we toil, working with our own hands; when we are reviled, we bless; when we are persecuted, we endure, when we are slandered, we try to conciliate; we have become as the scum of the world, the dregs of all things, even until now. I do not write these things to shame you, but to admonish you as my beloved children." 1 Cor 4:9-14

It may sound odd, but these thoughts are comforting to me.  Can you hear the "great apostle Paul" complaining to God about being made as last of all?  To be made a "spectacle to the world" carries with it an intense hurt and pain that can only be imagined.  With the revelation of the same message given to Paul comes this same regard by the world, especially the religious one.

I am looking forward to hear more from you.  :)

Jim Minker